Done with Detox

After three weeks of consuming all the celery I could possibly stomach, I am officially finished with detox! All in all, I may have gone just a touch loco in the process. I dunno, three weeks playing solitaire non-stop in what resembles some run-down motel room from a bad Sam Shepherd play. Overall, I received mixed results from the cleanse. It was a difficult process, not only mentally (disciplining myself to stay on a strict diet in the midst of chemo nausea), but physically: I became incredibly weak and fatigued, so much so that for the last nine days or so, I could barely muster the strength to get out of bed. It was hard to be away from my support system when I was feeling so sick, even though I managed to find a few good friends at the retreat to lift my spirits. I lost a significant amount of weight, not enough that I look emaciated (well, too much) but enough that it began to concern me. It seemed not matter how much I ate, the pounds kept dropping. So I was constantly confused, wondering if the fatigue I was experiencing was a result of my body cleaning itself out or if the exhaustion was brought on by not eating enough and losing too much weight. Probably both.

This Tuesday, when I went in to the hospital for chemo, my doctors voiced concern about my weight. In a time of low immunity in my body, where I’m more easily prone to illnesses of any kind, it’s important that I build up reserves. At any point over the next several years, if my body becomes sick, it’s going to need whatever it has to feed off of for strength and resilience. Additionally, my docs seemed really concerned that my blood sugar was alarmingly low, so much so that they almost hesitated to give me chemo before I could naturally boost it back up.

I’m frustrated. Surprised? I was really hoping that this cleanse would give me more energy and make me feel better. Instead, I feel like I back-tracked to a point of low energy I hadn’t experienced in months. Granted, there’s a distinct possibility that as I ease back into my normal diet, I’ll start seeing that surge of energy; I have, after all, been cleaning my body out intensely for almost a month. But I want to have this all figured out now: the perfect diet that will give me energy, build back my body’s strength, and keep my immune system high. Here I am, what feels like square one again. But I know much more now than I did three weeks ago. So it’s not square one. And it’s not the end of the equation. I’m experimenting, cautiously, and taking detailed notes. And sneaking the occasional brownie, or two.